I'm not really a blogger! I very often find myself telling people who I think have interesting lives - generally- to start a blog because "someone's gonna want to hear that story!" However, I've never really applied that concept to myself. Last night I was having a conversation with my cousin Veronica, who I will probably talk about often because I think her life is uber interesante, even though she doesn't share my view- about my Ex history. I can't really say that there's much to talk about since I'm, as I said in my description, "mature," and I've only had 5 (I will be using numbers instead of spelling them out - completely disregarding the general rule about numbers under 10) exes. But, they each make for a very good story -- sometimes funny, sometimes not so funny!
And so it begins...
Right now I'm working on this document that deals with a domestic violence (DV) incident and it's bringing up some old memories. I was explaining to Veronica how much DV pisses me off! I mean really!! I just don't get why or how people can be so cruel to those they purport to love the most.
My Ex #4 was sexy (to me anyways)! He was 6'3", weighed about 250, beautiful ivory teeth, naturally soft wavy hair, and was all chocolate! I've always wanted a guy with those stats for very specific reasons. First, I want a guy taller than me, I'm 5'11" and I don't feel like wearing flats all the time. Besides, the bigger your feet, the more boat-like your shoes appear; hence, my desire for a tall (er than me) man! Second, I want a guy who can pick me up so naturally that means he has to weigh more than me. Ex #3, which I'll tell you about one day, was what I'd describe as a human praying mantis! Needless to say, he folded like a deck of cards one day when he tried to pick me up. That day I learned that height without the weight equated to pain! SMH! Third, you should know why good teeth is on my list - notice I said "is" and not "was"; I still want that (although Ex #5 might have been close but not quite there - I won't be telling his story today either)! The hair just felt good when it rubbed over any part of my body. And last but not least, chocolate -- you know... the kind that melts in your mouth and not in your hands, the kind that you break all types of rules for because you've just got to have it, the kind that you dream about, wanting to believe that it's good for you... SINFULLY DELICIOUS!
But we all know the truth about chocolate don't we? If it's not pure, it's just not good for you! And Ex #4 was all chocolate--but definitely not the pure kind!
What Happened
Abuse --be it physical, emotional, psychological- like s**t, just happens!
One day, you're this strong, independent, attractive person, and the next day, or month, or year, you're just a person. I don't believe that Ex #4 ever meant to hurt me... in the ways that he did. I think he only meant to hurt me in that moment, or for that day, but not indefinitely. Not in a way that the remnants of my thoughts of him are of painful experiences I had with him: just some story that I tell now because it's cathartic and reaffirms my VICTORhood!
Yes, I survived, which is a lot more than I can say for many people caught up in these ridiculous cycles of abuse (any kind)! I don't need to tell you the details of the stuff I endured for love, and ego, and insecurity because my s**t is specific to me; thus, the things that hurt me, might not necessarily hurt you so rehashing it won't save you -- only you can do that! Besides, you can use your imagination and fill in the blanks about me and Ex #4. For some of you, the details you choose to add will probably be worse than my actual experiences, and for others it won't be so bad! It doesn't matter! What does matter is that whatever happened to me, ended the day that I decided that I wanted to be the me that got the man, not the me that was desperately trying to keep him!
Candy
For those of you, like me, who had/have some type candy delusion of a lover, just remember the following:
1) "A minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips!"
2) How long will you have to spend in the gym to work the damage off?
3) Gold wrapped --> "All that glitters isn't gold!"
4) Is it really worth the relationship that you will have to develop with a Dentist (aka therapist)?
5) Chocolates can't take the heat - they go soft, make a mess, and leaving you in sticky situations!
6) You have no idea what type of garbage is in it - it just looks good!
7) Too much of a good thing becomes a bad thing sooner than you think.
8) Some of the yummy looking ones taste like s**t!!!
9) It's bad for your health
10) It's just not worth it!
Conclusion
Abuse sucks! I've always hated being that person that tries to convince the person stuck in the relationship to leave. My philosophy is, don't try to convince people to do anything - they'll do it when they feel that there's no alternative! What I've come to realize, however, is that we all have different tolerance levels for abuse and some of us can really take a BEATING... but we should never have to!!!
Peace and love,
Ms.Daze
