After a few months of being on an online dating site, I got bored with it. I was tired of the "Weirdos, Freaks, I-Only-Want-Sex, and Nothing-Substantive-to-Say" men who were constantly hitting me up. I went on a hiatus after deciding that the online dating thing just wasn't working out for me. It really sucked - hard! I'd log in, be excited about the 10-15 new messages I'd received... until I read them, and then I'd leave the site feeling emotionally deflated and exhausted because it's an emotional roller coaster... literally! BUT, I'm back from my hiatus and after much reflection, here's what I've learned:
First Steps
Online dating is not for the weak or faint at heart! It's for those people who are willing and open to trying new and different things. It's for those people who would rather try and risk rejection, than basque in their fear of rejection and end up alone. Putting yourself out there - in cyber world- in many ways is just as difficult, if not more difficult, than putting yourself out there in the physical world because it requires a level of fearlessness that most of us crave but just don't have... which is why many of the people contemplating online dating are single to begin with.
Don't Believe The Hype
People believe that they can hide out, and/or coward, behind false presentations of who they want to be by venturing into cyber world. They can't! You can never really be in cyber world if you are there as someone else. In order to be anywhere - cyber world or here - you've got to be 100% present and 100% real. Fake people get fake people! It's kind of like love, if you only give 25% of yourself, you don't get to experience 100% love. You always get what you give.
What's in a Name?
Dating online forces you to find out the skills and abilities you have or need quickly. It's the fastest way to get to know yourself. It all starts with the name - it must be catchy, accurately represent you, and be unique! Next, you have to create an alluring profile that requires you to summarize who you are in X amount of words and then publish it to the world. This is not an easy task; the words you choose aren't just a summation of your best attributes: they are YOU (or who you want to be) in a non-physical form. They are everything! You must ask yourself, "If I were words, what words would I be?" And it's not like creating a resume or a CV. When you make resumes and CVs, the words are simply adjectives of your life and it is up to your future employer to formulate the image of the person that all those adjectives represent.
In cyber world, however, the onus is on YOU! Thus, every word is important and everything you say will inform someone's perception of you. It's heavy...
Reality Slap
The truth is, it's actually much easier to meet someone in person - kind of like buying cookies instead of making them from scratch. In the physical world you're already boxed and ready to be presented; you don't have to focus on, and stress out about, the details. People see you, they like you, they pick you; if they don't like you, they move on! In cyber world, they don't get to see you... all they get is a snap shot of the words that are the ingredients that make you. They have to make their decision on whether or not they want you from the words YOU choose to define your life. That's it! The reality is that there are no second chances... Hence, first impressions are everything because they are the ONLY thing you get!
You have to be ready in every way otherwise it's just a waste of everyone's time.
The Brave
So, if after reading all of this, you, like me, decide that online dating is something you want to do, you should. I think that everyone needs to be more self reflective. You should attempt to present yourself to the world in words at least once in your lifetime. Maybe you'll find someone who LOVES your words... no matter how many others might not. Maybe you'll find that you like or dislike the words that instinctively come to you. Either way, recognizing and acknowledging your descriptors will enable you to change your like into love, and your dislike into like. You can't lose for trying!
Most importantly, you have to be BRAVE! You have to be willing to face and embrace whatever words come up and not be afraid to change them. In the end, you will only feel fully satisfied when YOU love your words!
Epilogue: The Roller Coaster
I'm not a big fan of the roller coaster because of how it makes me feel. It's fun in one direction, and sickening in the other; the length of its valleys and hills are unpredictable; and it's so far from safe ground. To me, it's a beast! Online dating for me has been a like roller coaster emotionally -- from afar it's something that I've wanted to conquer, up close it's something that I've wanted to avoid, and now, it's something that I'm proud that I've tried... bravely!
Although I'm excited about getting off the ride one day, I know that taking it has been more beneficial than harmful to me and I'd do it all again if necessary.
You should seriously consider doing it... at least once. I DARE you!
Peace and Love,
Ms. Daze
